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Poster: Administrator, Curator, or StaffNoiseCollector Date: Sep 3, 2008 7:32am
Forum: noisecollector Subject: Download stats are seriously jacked

The stats on the right are not accurate and I clain no responsibilty for any uncovered gems that may force themselves to the forefront of modern media and propel us all to stardom instantly.

When I first was referred here from ourmedia, they promised us a fast track to the top, if I just adjusted my politics and kept my mouth shut. I tried to play along but like the reverend said, rich white people are controlling shit and I am not rich so what can I do?

Well, first of all, I can keep grooving, yes grooving. Although I depsise dancing or anything related to dancing (aside from an occasional drum beat), I have decided to ignore how silly people look dancing and try not to think it's an attack on me like I used to. When people do that thing where you make a wavelike motion in your upper body and up your neck and head like a worm to be funny or cool, my first instinct is to find something heavy to hit them with. The head turn with the finger on the chin used to equate to "kick me in the balls hard" in my ears, but no more. These days I have found a more refined and mature reaction and just burst out laughing and say "oh my god, what an asshole" as I point at them and scan the room for reaction from the other people to weed out who is cool and who isn't.

People driving slow in passing lane while talking on cell phones should be run off the road or followed home and stalked for 20 or 30 years. Please do your part in this as I have 12 clients currently and need help. Eventually we can teach these people because obviously their parents didn't.

Also, ever heard how some people answer the phone these days? What the hell is wrong with them?

I blame white people on this because their used to be a lot of them and, well you know what they do. Ever notice how annoying white people can be at work? That shit gets on my nerves too.

What is up with the cable company? Why are we still watching commercials? The free broadcast tv has them, but why on earth should we have to watch them and pay monthly? Anyone working on this? What if cable was invented before radio transmitters, would broadcast TV be the new wireless? Would you pay for it and abondon your cable? Why can't they just broadcast the rest of the channels? It's all bullshit, the reptillian bushes and white interlopers are once again screwing the pooch dry. Thanks for that.

Oh and what is up with demoncrats having a problem with a VP having less experience than a P when they have it backwards? Would you put the 20 year employee in charge or the temp or newhire? No one notices that? And don't think I did not notice the percentage of white people in this election either... according to my calculations the 4 politicians involved turn out to be a composition of 87.5% which is racist. No surprize there.

I went to shoot some hoops the other day and noticed they replaced the tire swing with a fake green hollow plastic simulated tired in it's place. It doesn't bend or contour like a real tire. It doesn't have the petro chemical smell the kids are there for in the first place. It doesn't leave any signature black stripes on your clothes, what is the point? No one says anything as these great steps toward progress that are destroying my dreams and crushing my hopes like a ficticious and fanciful campaign speech about curing retardation and ending death from natural causes.

Anyone remember anything anymore? I do.

Why is ping pong an olympic event and hackey sack isn't? I played way more hackey sack than ping pong. Did you know a few peeps still hack? I actually saw some, they didn't even listen to slayer, which is odd because everyone I used to hack with did.

Ever notice how some people like really shitty music? I mean, not just something you can stand but wouldn't personally buy a CD of, I mean shit that all the cool people from back in the day would turn off after a few seconds. Some of the biggest hits (that no one I ever met would buy) actually go on for more than 30 seconds. I never even heard some of them that far before, but some people not only listened to them then, but actually still want to here them and will actually waste time and money to hear it, no shit. I thought it was a joke, because once in a while someone would flip the radio switch on the boombox and play it as a joke before beer bottles and chairs came their way. I never even turned on the radio switch on my boombox, never heard anything good on the radio unless you drove near a big city or stayed up till 4am to hear something halfway cool. Some people have no clue this was how it was.

Ever wonder what the hell is wrong with meteorologists? Something's fishy and when I figure it out, I'll let you know.

Remember screaming at the top of your lungs into the back of someone's head in a crowded public place and then turning around like someone behind you did it? I miss that the most.

Shit, look what time it is.

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Poster: Morticia Date: Sep 5, 2008 8:14am
Forum: noisecollector Subject: Re: Download stats are seriously jacked

Hee hee ;0)

BTW what is this "hackey sack" that you speak of ?

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Poster: Administrator, Curator, or StaffNoiseCollector Date: Sep 10, 2008 6:11am
Forum: noisecollector Subject: Re: Download stats are seriously jacked

Although it may be called a "footbag" or "baseball" or "archery" over seas, I am referring to what was known in south jersey as "hacking" a "hacky sack"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hacky_Sack

It used to be the sport of open minded, free thinking individualists but has fallen into favor with socialists and the unclean.

Originally conceived as a training aid in the practice of tae kwon do kicks by the OC Wolfpack on the boardwalk in the mid 80's to the early 90's, it was developed in preperation for battle with drunken jocks, nazi skinheads, jealous boyfriends and misdirected minority backlashes (getting jumped for not being ethnic enough).

The sport basically vanished when the last sack went up on to the porch above Jilly's arcade. Since then all the companies who made them went out of business and no one mentions it anymore. I still have one of the leather ones, but the knit ones were more versatile. Rumors about removing hte beads to make it better are false, but I just say "yeah, I do that too" to keep it simple. A group of renegade hackers (OG's not IT dorks) systematically slaughtered the remaining hackers until only small dislocated hackers remain incognito under various pseudonyms, mostly in the netlabel section.

The imitation of life people who hack at college campuses and the occasional gereration Y (imposters!) office lunch break hack are just diversions meant to coax out the real hackers from hiding in an attempt to assisinate them. They may even try tactics like insinuating that they are the real hackers and you are some old dude. I make a point not to throw out a back spinning sidekick and project the sack horizontally at face level and expose myself as a target.

Classical hack tactics include:

1. Getting a hack, each person in the circle kicking the sack once is a "hack".

2. No self serves, you get beaned in the nuts for that.

3. No hands, you get beaned in the nuts for that.

4. Getting beaned or beamed is the act of standing in jesus christ pose and allowing the plaintiff in the hack violation to wing the sack at you. Friends may opt to just bounce one of the chest or maybe a forehead shot at lower velocity, however, the new guy or unknown tourists who dares to join the circle will usually get the nut shout, follow the rules, I was never beaned once.

5. Show off's who keep trying ridicules moves at the sacrifice of time and completing hacks will quickly be delt with as well. You know the asshole who every time the sack comes he has to try that pointless foot stall or the roll over the back and pop the shoulder nonsense? Those are for practice at home and are only for public use once perfected and in the presence of surfer chicks. Responses to showoffs result in the horizontal face level hack kick mentioned above.

6. Executing the 'hack attack' is exploiting opportunities to hit targets with the sack outside the circle at any time, these include:

passing cop cars
people eating ice cream or pizza
people carrying lots of beach crap
anyone who likes like or might be an asshole

Alternatives to the "hack attack" involve the more extreme and risky methods of "loose shoe" and "over kicking" or "checking".

The "loose shoe" attack is when the hacker, pretending to be going for the ally oop return (which was deliberatly set up for the attack by another hacker) kicks off a loose shoe (usually a white sneaker or tennis shoe as boots are frowned apon in hacking) in the direction of the target, usually a cop car or someone you dislike.

Overkicking is a feigned accidentally kick, usually to a dumpster, parked car or other object with a loud sound when struck. In some rare cases unintended overkicking can cause accidental injury or property damage so this should only be attempted by experts. Start off with hack attacks, move on to loose shoe and reserve overkicking as a last resort.

Checking, like body checking in hockey, is derived from another fun boardwalk game that involves 2 targets. The intended target of the check and the variable target of who the original target falls into.

Example:

Jeff, Little Grateful Dan, Greg Anderstain, Creeping Lawler and Erny are all walking down the crowded boardwalk. While Greg is not paying attention, Creeping lawler has gotten into strike position and is waiting for secondary targets. When the time is right, Lawler body checks Greg, sending him into a crowd of tourists. It is the original target who is responsible for not taking out baby strollers and other high risk targets after impact. This can be a daunting task but if you want to play, you must know this. Intentionally propelling target one into a kid or elderly person, however comical, is frowned upon and avoided whenever possible, however.

Target one while in motion towards final targets can do one of 3 things. They can just go with flow and try not to hurt themselves and others and act pissed off, or apologize for knocking somone's ice cream cone out of their hand or ripping their souvenir bag open. They can also maximize the victim role and flail their arms as they approach target and try and maximize interuption of tourists travel path (rolling around, acting hurt, drawing a crowd, etc). The other option is to slam on the brakes and recover before impact and either act pissed or chuckle about it or both.

So now we have checking and want to incorporate it into a combined tactical hack attack, let's see how it plays out, shall we?

Hackey Sack Larry (pbuh) would set up an attack but never execute it himself. Let's say Larry puts up an ally oop towards a small group of south street guidos, Chainsaw Charlie will be the checked as he is smaller and able to infiltrate their formation, Sleazstar will be the loose show or overkicker and Morgan will be the checker.

As the sack is in play, Sleazstar feigns an attempt to return the hack and this can go either way. If he will miss the sack, he may opt to loose shoe or overkick into them. If so pulling off the second wave will be dificult. If he can connect and aim it face level at the targets, this allows the second wave to execute their moves with or without morgans help in projecting charlie into them. If pulled of poperly two possible scenarios unfold.

What looks like a sincere attempt to complete a hack ends up with a shoe to the head of a punk (that would be back later that nigh drunk looking to fight anyway) or another person going after a line drive and taking out a few tourists as he is pushed from behind by another faking hacker acting like he is going long as well. The line drive draws attention away towards the kicker and allows the fake fumble check to be more realistic and out of nowhere. Make sure you have sufficent numbers to intimidate them or sometimes they like to fight over it, if you do not have sufficient numbers, remember where those 2x4's under the boards are hidden, get them to chase you under and blammo.

As you can see, the elite orginal members of the OC wolfpack have kept the true sport of hacking secret until now. This is why we do not play in any reindeer games in public.

Next lesson, MOSHketball, a middle class suburban variation of basketball infused with body checks elbows, hardcore pit music and beer. Stay tuned.

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Poster: Morticia Date: Sep 10, 2008 9:12am
Forum: noisecollector Subject: Re: Download stats are seriously jacked

Crikey, you crazy Americanos.

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Poster: acetboy Date: Sep 4, 2008 5:56pm
Forum: noisecollector Subject: Re: Download stats are seriously jacked

OMG-not that I believe in such a thing,
but-You're Andy Rooney.